Trying to Control the Uncontrollable

A 12-Week Live Online Therapeutic Group

Exploring the need for control, uncertainty and trust in life when we cannot predict everything.

There are times when control is helpful.

It allows us to organise, prepare, make decisions and protect the things that matter to us.

But there are also things that, no matter how hard we try, we cannot control.

What will happen in the future.

What another person will choose.

How a relationship will develop.

Whether everything will go according to plan.

Whether we will avoid every loss, disappointment or change.

And sometimes, the more we try to eliminate uncertainty, the more trapped we become within it.

The therapeutic group “Trying to Control the Uncontrollable” is for people who feel they need to predict, organise, prevent or control everything in order to feel safe.

The aim is not to give up control where it is useful.

It is to learn to distinguish what is genuinely within our control and what we may need to meet with greater acceptance, flexibility and trust.

When the Need for Control Spreads Into Everything

You may recognise yourself if you often:

• find it difficult not knowing what is going to happen

• try to anticipate every possible scenario

• want to have a plan even for things that cannot really be predicted

• feel tense when things do not go as expected

• find it difficult to let other people take responsibility for something

• fear that if you do not stay in control, something will go wrong

• take responsibility for things that are not really yours to carry

• try to fix or prevent other people’s emotional reactions

• find it difficult to wait without knowing the outcome

• need certainty before making a decision

• repeatedly return to what you could have done differently

• feel that you always need to be prepared

• struggle to relax when something remains unresolved

• feel anger, fear or intense disappointment when a situation cannot be changed

• feel that safety depends on keeping everything under control

Sometimes the need for control is not really about what is happening around us.

It is about how difficult it feels to be safe when we do not know what is going to happen.

What Are We Really Trying to Control?

The need for control can appear in many different ways.

We may try to control circumstances.

Other people.

Their reactions.

Our own emotions.

The future.

Even how we will feel if something does not turn out the way we want.

But beneath this need, there may be something deeper:

“If I know what is going to happen, I will be safe.”

“If I am prepared for everything, I will not get hurt.”

“If I leave nothing to chance, I can prevent the worst from happening.”

“If I can control the situation, I can control how I will feel.”

The difficulty is that life does not always offer that kind of certainty.

And when we try to gain absolute control over something that is uncertain by nature, we may become exhausted without ever truly feeling safe.

What We Will Explore

Across the 12-week therapeutic cycle, we will explore:

Your personal patterns of control

When the need to organise, predict, correct or secure everything becomes stronger.

What lies behind the need for control

We will explore the role of fear, insecurity, difficulty with trust, uncertainty and the need for safety.

The difficulty of not knowing

We will examine why “I don’t know” can create so much tension and what it means to remain within uncertainty without needing to eliminate it immediately.

The difference between control and influence

We will learn to distinguish what we can truly change, what we can only influence and what lies outside our responsibility.

An excessive sense of responsibility

We will explore the tendency to feel responsible for other people, for the outcome of a situation or for things that do not depend entirely on us.

Control as a way of avoiding difficult emotions

Sometimes we try to control a situation because we find it difficult to tolerate the fear, disappointment, helplessness, loss or vulnerability it may bring.

Trust

We will explore what it means to trust ourselves, other people and life without having guarantees about every outcome.

Connecting with the present

We will work on the ability to return to what is actually happening now, rather than living continuously inside future scenarios and assumptions.

Acceptance without resignation

We will explore how we can accept a reality we do not like without this meaning that we give up our ability to choose how we respond.

In Positive Psychotherapy

Positive Psychotherapy does not view the need for control only as a difficulty.

Behind it, there may be important capacities:

responsibility, consistency, foresight, organisation, care, determination and problem-solving ability.

The difficulty arises when these capacities lose their balance.

Responsibility can become over-responsibility.

Organisation can become rigidity.

Foresight can become constant worry.

Care can become an attempt to control other people’s choices.

The need for safety can become an inability to tolerate uncertainty.

The therapeutic question is therefore not only:

“Why do I need to be in control?”

But also:

“What is this need trying to protect?”

And eventually:

“Can I feel safe even when I do not know the outcome?”

Returning to the Present

When the mind is constantly focused on the future, we can lose contact with what is happening now.

We may live inside the “what if”.

The next possible problem.

Everything that could happen.

Everything we feel we need to prevent.

Part of the therapeutic work is learning to return to reality:

What is happening right now?

What do I actually know, and what am I assuming?

What can I do now?

And what does not need to be solved today?

Connecting with the present does not remove uncertainty.

But it can help us stop living continuously inside a future that has not happened yet.

What This Group Can Help You Develop

The group can support you in developing:

• greater awareness of your personal need for control

• greater tolerance of uncertainty

• a clearer distinction between responsibility, influence and control

• greater flexibility when things change

• more trust in your own decisions

• less need to predict every possible outcome

• greater ability to remain present

• healthier boundaries in relationships

• greater tolerance of difficult emotions

• a more balanced relationship with responsibility

• greater trust in yourself when certainty is not available

• greater ability to accept what you cannot change

• more emotional energy for the things you can genuinely influence

From Control to Trust

Letting go of something we cannot control does not mean that we stop caring.

It does not mean that we stop trying.

It does not mean giving up.

It means beginning to recognise the limits of our own power — while also trusting more deeply in our ability to respond to whatever comes.

We do not always need to know what will happen.

We do not need to be prepared for every possibility.

Not everything has to be under our control in order for us to move forward.

Perhaps real safety is not found in controlling life.

Perhaps it lies more in knowing that we can stand within life even when it does not unfold the way we had planned.

The Final Part of the Journey

As the group moves toward its final sessions, the focus will gradually shift from the need for control toward trust and choice.

There will be space to reflect on:

What do I genuinely need to control?

And what can I let go of?

Which responsibilities are truly mine?

And which ones have I taken on even though they do not belong to me?

What do I fear most when I do not know?

And how can I remain present without needing to eliminate every uncertainty?

Where do I want to invest my energy?

In the things I cannot change, or in the things that are genuinely within my choices?

The aim is not to complete twelve sessions having learned not to control anything.

It is to leave with greater freedom to choose where your effort is worthwhile — and when it may be healthier to let go.

Group Details

12 Weekly Sessions
Mondays | 18:00–19:30
90 minutes per session
Live Online
26 April 2027 – 26 July 2027

New participants join at the beginning of the 12-week therapeutic cycle, allowing the group to develop continuity, trust and a consistent therapeutic space.

Session Dates

April 2027
26 April

May 2027
3 May – No Session (Easter Monday)
10 May
17 May
24 May
31 May

June 2027
7 June
14 June
21 June – No Session (Holy Spirit Monday)
28 June

July 2027
5 July
12 July
19 July
26 July

Final session: 26 July 2027

Fees & Payment Options

Pay Per Session
€30 per 90-minute session

Monthly Prepayment
€25 per session when all sessions scheduled for that month are paid together in advance.

The monthly prepayment option applies when all scheduled sessions within the calendar month are paid in advance.

Joining the Group

If you would like to participate, please complete the registration form below.