Trying to Control the Uncontrollable

A 12-Week Live Online Therapeutic Group

Exploring unmet emotional needs, early relationships and the patterns they may leave behind.

Some of the ways we respond in relationships today did not begin today.

The need to be accepted, the fear of disappointing others, difficulty asking for help, sensitivity to rejection, the tendency to withdraw or the need to feel constantly reassured may all have roots in earlier emotional experiences.

Sometimes we grow up learning to adapt to what was available rather than to what we actually needed.

We may have learned to be independent too early, to stay quiet, to achieve, to care for others, to avoid conflict or to become the person who needed very little.

These strategies may once have helped us maintain connection, stability or emotional safety.

But what protected us then may sometimes limit us now.

What I Needed Then, What I Need Now is a therapeutic group for people who want to explore how early emotional experiences may still influence the way they relate to themselves and others today.

The aim is not to blame the past.

It is to understand it well enough that the past no longer has to make every decision for the present.

When the Past Still Appears in the Present

You may recognise yourself if you often:

• feel deeply affected by rejection or emotional distance

• worry that people you care about may leave

• find it difficult to ask directly for what you need

• struggle to trust that others will be there for you

• become highly independent and uncomfortable depending on anyone

• feel responsible for keeping relationships stable

• seek reassurance but still find it difficult to feel secure

• withdraw when you feel hurt

• avoid conflict because disagreement feels emotionally threatening

• feel guilty when your needs inconvenience someone else

• become very sensitive to criticism or disappointment

• feel that you must earn love through usefulness, achievement or care

• find yourself returning to familiar relationship dynamics even when they are painful

• notice that certain situations trigger reactions that feel much stronger than the situation itself

• understand intellectually that something is different now, yet emotionally respond as though an old experience is happening again

• find it difficult to identify what you genuinely need

Sometimes our adult reactions make more sense when we understand what the younger version of ourselves learned about love, safety, attention and belonging.

What Did You Learn to Need — and What Did You Learn Not to Ask For?

Children adapt remarkably well to the emotional environments in which they grow.

They gradually learn which emotions are welcomed, which needs receive attention and which parts of themselves seem to create connection or tension.

One child may learn:

“I am loved when I achieve.”

Another:

“I should not create problems.”

Another:

“I need to take care of everyone else.”

Another:

“If I need too much, people may leave.”

And another:

“The safest thing is not to need anyone at all.”

These messages do not always come through words.

They may develop through repeated experiences, family roles, expectations, emotional availability, loss, conflict, inconsistency or simply through what was — and was not — available within important relationships.

As adults, we may continue responding according to rules learned many years ago, even when our circumstances have changed.

What We Will Explore

Across the 12-week therapeutic cycle, we will explore:

Early emotional needs
Exploring needs for safety, affection, recognition, acceptance, autonomy, consistency and emotional connection.

The roles we learned to play
Understanding whether you became the responsible one, the quiet one, the successful one, the caretaker, the independent one or the person who tried to keep everyone together.

What happened when you needed something
Exploring how responses to vulnerability, sadness, anger, fear or dependence may have shaped the way you express needs today.

The beliefs we carry into relationships
Recognising assumptions such as “I am too much”, “I must be useful”, “people eventually leave” or “I should be able to manage everything alone.”

Triggers that belong partly to the past
Understanding why certain situations can activate strong emotional responses connected to earlier experiences.

Repeating familiar relationship patterns
Exploring why familiarity can sometimes feel like attraction, safety or love — even when the pattern itself is painful.

The difference between then and now
Learning to recognise when an old emotional expectation is shaping a present situation.

What you need today
Moving beyond understanding the past toward recognising and communicating your current emotional needs.

Giving yourself what was missing
Exploring how self-support, boundaries, relationships and new experiences can begin to provide what earlier environments could not.

In Positive Psychotherapy

Positive Psychotherapy does not view childhood experiences only in terms of what went wrong.

It also explores how a person adapted, what capacities developed and what those adaptations were trying to achieve.

A child who became highly independent may have developed remarkable competence.

A child who learned to monitor everyone’s emotions may have developed sensitivity and empathy.

A child who worked hard for recognition may have developed determination and responsibility.

A child who avoided conflict may have developed diplomacy and flexibility.

These capacities may have been valuable ways of maintaining connection or stability.

The therapeutic question is therefore not simply:

“What was missing?”

It is also:

“What did I learn to do because it was missing?”

And eventually:

“Do I still need to live by the same rule today?”

Positive Psychotherapy helps us recognise both sides of the story — the experiences that shaped us and the capacities that helped us adapt.

The goal is not to erase earlier experiences.

It is to create greater freedom in the present.

Understanding What You Need Now

One of the consequences of spending years adapting to other people is that our own needs can become surprisingly difficult to identify.

We may know what everyone else needs.

We may know what is expected of us.

We may know what keeps relationships calm.

But when someone asks:

“What do you need?”

the answer may not come easily.

Part of therapeutic work involves developing a clearer internal language for emotional safety, affection, reassurance, independence, recognition, respect, boundaries, closeness, space, support, belonging and meaning.

Understanding a need does not mean expecting another person to fulfil it automatically.

It means becoming able to recognise it, communicate it and make conscious choices about how it can be met.

What This Group Can Help You Develop

The group can support you in developing:

• greater understanding of your early emotional patterns

• awareness of how the past may influence present relationships

• greater ability to recognise emotional triggers

• clearer understanding of your current needs

• reduced shame around vulnerability and dependence

• greater confidence expressing what you need

• awareness of roles learned within the family

• greater ability to distinguish past expectations from present reality

• healthier ways of responding to rejection or emotional distance

• greater self-compassion toward earlier coping strategies

• stronger emotional boundaries

• more conscious relationship choices

• greater trust in your own emotional experience

• greater freedom to respond from who you are now rather than only from what you learned then

From Understanding to Choice

Understanding the past is not the same as living in it.

Therapy can help us recognise why certain patterns developed without turning our history into a permanent explanation for everything that happens today.

At some point, understanding creates an important possibility:

choice.

The possibility to respond differently.

To ask instead of assuming.

To stay present instead of automatically withdrawing.

To say no instead of immediately adapting.

To allow someone to support you.

To recognise that an old fear has been activated without allowing it to determine what happens next.

The past may help explain the pattern.

It does not have to decide your future.

The Final Part of the Journey

As the group moves toward its final sessions, the focus gradually shifts from understanding to integration.

There will be space to reflect on:

What have I recognised about myself?
Which patterns now make more sense?

What no longer belongs to me?
Which old expectations, roles or responsibilities am I ready to question?

What do I need now?
What has become clearer about the relationships, boundaries and emotional experiences I want in my life?

What do I want to carry forward?
Which capacities, insights and choices can support the next stage of my life?

The aim is not to finish twelve sessions with every question answered.

It is to leave with a different relationship to those questions — and greater freedom in how you choose to answer them.

Group Details

12 Weekly Sessions
Mondays | 18:00–19:30
90 minutes per session
Live Online
26 April 2027 – 26 July 2027

New participants join at the beginning of the 12-week therapeutic cycle, allowing the group to develop continuity, trust and a consistent therapeutic space.

Session Dates

April 2027
26 April

May 2027
3 May – No Session (Easter Monday)
10 May
17 May
24 May
31 May

June 2027
7 June
14 June
21 June – No Session (Holy Spirit Monday)
28 June

July 2027
5 July
12 July
19 July
26 July

Final session: 26 July 2027

Fees & Payment Options

Pay Per Session
€30 per 90-minute session

Monthly Prepayment
€25 per session when all sessions scheduled for that month are paid together in advance.

The monthly prepayment option applies when all scheduled sessions within the calendar month are paid in advance.

Joining the Group

If you would like to participate, please complete the registration form below.